Ode to a Vintage Bra

ODE TO A VINTAGE BRA

I think that I shall never see
The girls so perky as when clad vintagey!

Modern underwire leaves me sagging and round
Whilst my Playtex Living points 'em heaven bound.

The sweaters so-so, dress bust darts a-flaw
All is corrected with the one bullet bra.

Dear modern makers, with you we look bad
Go back to the old bras, we want what we had!


I had been told, I had been warned that the bust line in vintage clothing is just an itty bitty bit different than modern garments. I was warned but being a vintage newbie and just a little pig headed, I scoffed at the idea of a vintage bra. Vintage bras are for old ladies. There's nothing sexy about them. Who wants somebody's old undergarments? They can't possibly compare to modern designs and materials. For cripes sake, I've got microfiber and freakin underwire supporting these puppies and it doesn't get any better than that. Bullet bra? Nuh uh, sista! Not this gal. Ahem, famous last words.

So, I purchased a bombshell sweater a few weeks ago and never bothered to open the package until tonight. I also bought a Princess Peggy summer day dress which arrived yesterday and I couldn't wait to try on. The sweater was nice but I kept fussing with it to lay right. And, huh. What's wrong with this dress? Hmmm...should I try?...what the heck...I think I will...donned my 1960's Playtex that I purchased as a joke to show my Mom and whaddya know. INSTANTLY, the dress fit better, the bust darts were correct...or I should say my goods were finally in the correct place. I honestly can't believe the difference! As for the sweater, holy *bleep*! LOL

It absolutely boggles my mind. There's no underwire in this thing yet it's the first time in ages that ladies weren't pressed against nor laying on my ribcage. The strap adjuster thing is in the front and the end is free like it could slip out any second but it doesn't. I'm left asking, how in hell did we "advance" 50 years in most aspects of society except bras. In my modern bra, I'm now convinced I look like Ma Kettle. In my vintage bra, I'm Kim Gawddamn Novak! :)

Peace out and don't go hoarding all the vintage bras you see.
Save some for us newbies. Believe me, I (we) need them! :)